1) The Rise and Fall of Lustful Connection

Lust, romance, and comfort are the natural phases of a relationship's development, and different sets of chemicals direct its path. Lust is the result of a power-packed combination of hormones that produce sexual hunger, focus, and the pursuit of pleasure for both genders.

If the mating couple goes on to become romantically intertwined, the partners then produce additional chemicals that narrow their focus only to each other. It's called falling in love. If the couple stays together, the committed lovers produce yet a new set of chemicals. The result is a gentler, more emotionally intimate and secure connection, but a poor energy competitor to the intensity that accompanies the heady hunger of romantic lust.

Seduced by the sweetness and security of that comfort, the partners may not feel unduly distressed if their physical attraction is not as constant or intense as when their relationship was new. If their love continues to deepen, they may solve their declining interpersonal passion through interests outside their relationship. If that decision does not include betrayal or infidelity, it may be a legitimate solution. Friends, entertainment, careers, hobbies, children, travel, crises, or new acquisitions, can keep the couple more connected for a while by infusing the relationship with much-needed stimulation, even if it is imported.

Unfortunately, when the couple returns from those external excitements and the novelty they provide, they may forget to renew their personal relationship passion. Their connection can then become progressively less involved as they reduce their interactions to the sharing of basic daily information needed to run their mutual household. Their personal relationship has slowly worked its way to the back burner, expected to survive on past memories.

2) Innovative Directions Are Needed

Maybe the pressures of today's demands haven't allocated enough time or energy to practice workable solutions. Perhaps our culture promotes the benefits of freedom so much that the price of long-term commitment, with its cumulative investment of energy, time, and tenacity, feels more difficult to attain.

Our throwaway culture may have inevitably spilled over to the way we value each other. If something doesn't work, maybe the best solution is to just get a newer, better model. If we're to have a real chance at long-term relationship success, we're going to have to approach these challenges in a whole new way. There's a lot of ground between escaping the fear of martyred entrapment and committing to whatever it takes to regenerate something that has the potential for greatness.

The good news is that people are more aware, more conscious, and more committed to this journey than I have ever known them to be before. In the thirty plus years I've been working with couples, I have seen them transform from being defined by society's expected roles, to more independent individuals who are ready to forge new pathways into unknown relationship territories. They know that what's happened so far doesn't work and are ready to create unique relationships that define themselves by their success, and not by what is expected.

Commentary:

Most relationships, if they survive at all, don’t ever become as wonderful as they could be. The challenges in this book are meant to activate your desire to go beyond what you have ever been able to be before, to arouse your sense of adventure, and to invite you to participate. If you're on board, roll up your sleeves. It won't be an easy ride but it will be a great journey.

This book will give you the tools you need to help you find, and keep, your true love.