1) The Rise and Fall of Lustful Connection

Lust, romance, and the comfort of familiarity are the natural phases of a relationship's development, with different sets of chemicals present in each one. Lust is the result of a power-packed combination of hormones that produce sexual hunger, focus, and the pursuit of pleasure in both genders.

If the new couple goes on to become romantically intertwined, both partners will begin to produce a new set of chemicals that narrow their focus only to each other. It’s called falling in love. If the couple commits to a long-term relationship, they will produce yet a third set of chemicals, creating a gentler, more emotionally intimate and secure connection.

Established couples begin to spend more time in outside interests and relationships as their focused intertwinement quiets down. The search for novelty and challenge is transferred to those new interests. It is easy to forget the importance of renewing the romantic passion that brought them together. Many long-term couples find themselves less and less attentive to each other, falling into routine and mundane interactions. Their personal relationship has slowly worked its way to the back burner, expected to survive on past memories.

2) Innovative Directions Are Needed

Relationship pessimism is widespread. The pressures of today's demands haven't left couples enough time or energy to practice workable solutions. Their experiences tell them that freedom and easy exits are more satisfying than the potential entrapment of commitment. Our throwaway culture has evidently inevitably spilled over to the way we value each other. If something doesn't work, maybe the best solution is to just get a newer, better model.

It doesn't have to be that way. There are long-term relationships that are tangible examples of success. Yet, they are in the minority. What is missing from the formula, that results in so many people's starting out with so much hope in love relationships, only to crash and burn when the initial excitement quiets down? What combination of knowledge, skill, and commitment could reverse that negative spiral and deliver the lasting love that both partners so sincerely want?

If we're to have a real chance at long-term relationship success, we're going to have to approach these things in a whole new way. There's a lot of ground between escaping the fear of martyred entrapment and committing to whatever it takes to regenerate something with the potential for greatness.

The good news is that there is a formula that works. When I teach my couples the skills they need to make a great relationship happen, they become hopeful again. I have seen them transform from being defined by society's expected roles, to more independent individuals who are ready to forge new pathways into unknown relationship territories. They know that what's happened so far doesn't work and are ready to create unique relationships that succeed.